Shey B

The way I am…

| 10 Comments

“I didn’t know that about you, Shey…”

I must be a better actress than I thought, because I fooled my best friend.

She had no idea of my secret.  A secret that really isn’t a secret, it’s just that I don’t think it’s really necessary to volunteer it, or it just never comes up in conversations… until last week, when I was talking to Jess on the phone {as is our daily norm}.  That’s when I told her my “secret”.  I told her the way I really am.

What’s this big so called secret?

Well, I am a major introvert.

When I must go interact with more than a few people I freak out.

I’m talking sweaty palms, queasy stomach, shaking limbs, overactive imagination.  You name it, it happens.  Well, I don’t pee myself, so at least there’s that.

In order to quell this fear, I push myself in situations with large amounts of people on purpose.  Creative Estates Conference, Crafting Arizona, Potlucks, parties, etc.  Heck.  Most of these things I organize myself.  I don’t want to be a shut in, people.  I want to get to know others.

But at the same time, as Paramore has sung, “Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone”, (excerpt from the song crushcrushcrush) that also proves true for me.  I absolutely love quiet.  Not watching movies, listening to loud music, talking loudly, or anything else that cause my ear drums to shudder.  I love silence.  Sometimes I just sit on the couch, lean my head back and close my eyes.  Just enjoying no noise.  I mean don’t get me wrong, I do love the sounds of my girls’ laughter, their singing, goofing off, etc.  I love to watch movies occasionally or watch the one show I can’t live without watching.  But once it’s either time for school or time for bed, I just soak up as much silence as I can.  Silence is my happy place.

I do, however find myself enjoying pushing myself to organize events that are full of creative and fun energy.  That make me interact with others outside of Twitter & Facebook.  That’s why I’ve kept doing it.  :)

Something else Jess didn’t know… I am a total homebody.  I LOVE being at home.  I could seriously be home for days on end, and not go stir crazy.  Now, I was definitely not always this way.  It’s just been since I had kids that I began becoming this way.  I think because having Angelina at the young age of 21 years old, it just began being easier to be home.  I didn’t have many friends, because most of them turned their backs on me for being pregnant before I was married and because my husband is not a Christian.  (that is a whole other story that I won’t go into in this post… believe me)  It was hard for me to deal with.  I felt those “friends” to be assholes and hypocrites.  So better to not have them in my life then.

So I focused my time on Angelina instead on making friends.  Even still, making friends is hard for me.  In high school it came super easy.  I had a ton of friends, and acquaintances.  But after the ordeal with my Christian friends, I began developing trust issues with people that weren’t already close to me.  Many times I would push people away.  But mostly, it was the way people treated me after a while that got them shafted from my life.  I don’t tolerate a lot of people’s crap.  And people seem to want to deal all their crap to me.  So I just cut them off.

I don’t need nor do I want a ton of friends.  Times for being popular and insecure are over, I left those back in high school.  Now I just need one really good friend.  A friend that gives and takes just as much as me.  A friend that is willing to offer balance in our friendship instead of leaving it one-sided like it often is with people.  This is why Jess and I so easily became best friends.  We are pretty much one in the same.  Of course we differ in certain things, which makes us unique, but we also are so incredibly like minded.

She’s an extrovert.  I’m an introvert.

Fact is, I am ok with how I am.

Thanks for listening!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 Comments

  1. As if I hadn’t cried enough for one day. :) happy to call you my introverted, home body of a best friend.

  2. I too am an introvert. It’s so hard for me being in situations w/ people I don’t know. There are times when I know I need to push myself to be better, and come outta my shell. And other times I know I just need to be ok with who I am and who I am not!

    thanks for sharing this today! :)

  3. I am also an introvert. It is insane how uncomfortable small talk and new group settings make me. I have pretended not to see a casual acquaintance just to avoid the small talk, swearing by the “no eye contact you didn’t see me I didn’t see you rule.” (well, that’s really just a rule I made for my crazy self) Anyway, yeah, I get it. That’s me to a T. You are NOT alone! :)

  4. We are two peas, I tell you. I could stay in my house for days…lol. I used to be called shy, even snobby. I’ve come out of my shell a bit though. My best friends and husband are extroverts. We balance each other out.

  5. I agree with these words, Thanks for the share…. I think your whole strategy and it’s execution here are just awesome!

    Sample Letters

  6. i’m in between…i love being at home reading blogs & doing school, but if you leave me there for more than a couple days, i go cray-cray. i’ll take a trip to the grocery store to get outta the house, hahaha.
    thanks for being real, shey. i admire that about you :)

  7. Loving this blog post! I actually just posted something like this recently on my blog, b/c I recently was judged as being a hermit at work, because I am not as out-going as everyone else. Honestly, and I have only realized this in the last year or so, but I really should’ve been an hand-made entrepreneur from the start, because it would have allowed me to be creative, be at home, and only have to deal with the amount of small-talking that my cat would have allowed. These days, working a day job that consists of about 80% talking to other people, I find myself completely drained at the end of the day (sure fire sign of introverts). Wish this would have been clearer earlier on, b/c I would have saved myself at least two degrees focused on both talking to others and being exposed to a lot more stress than is healthy. Thanks for sharing! ;)

    Christine

  8. I just came across your blog from Twitter. I’m so excited to see that there are AZ bloggers! I can relate to this since I’m really shy at first. I’d love to go to the craft show this Saturday but see, I’m so shy!! haha.

  9. My whole life I have suffered with a fear of talking to strangers… or even sometimes, those I know and love. In school this brought me endless pain as the kids teased me mercilessly. As a young adult I realized if I was going to make it in this world, I was going to have to force myself to crawl out of my shell. I have to constantly seek the Lord’s strength to go into a group of people and speak. Even calling my best friend on the phone is uncomfortable for me. After a few minutes I am fine but those first minutes are so impossible for me. The Lord has been so good to give me strength. My teenage daughters and I were recently talking about how I make friends everywhere we go and how I can talk to everyone. I told them how deep down I am dying eveyrtime I have to talk to someone outside of our immediate family and how shy I am and how I really work at it. They couldn’t believe it. They really had no clue. God is so good to give us strength when we ask for it!

    Hugs,

    Kat

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