Shey B

The Paranormal, Musical, & Theatrical Blame Game


As an adult I can honestly tell you that I had a really good childhood.

My parents were loving, caring, attentive, strict, protective individuals who taught me the difference between right and wrong.  When I got into high school I think they were perhaps fiercely protective which I can tell you I wasn’t a big fan of.  At times I felt sheltered.  That’s not to say that my parents weren’t forthcoming with answers to my questions.  Absolutely not.  They answered any question I asked with either detailed information or information to get me by until I was older and able to understand better.  But, in my honest opinion I believed and still do that my parents were too strict.  I did my fair share of lying and some such things, but in all honesty, I really wasn’t that bad.  I was too afraid to get into trouble to try drugs or drinking, therefore, I never did partake in the offerings, because it simply wasn’t worth getting into trouble over.  Not to mention, I never had any interest in doing drugs.

One thing that my parents believed {and I do too – to an extent} is the your ears and eyes are the windows to your soul.  I believe this when it comes to such things as pornography or any other such graphic materials.  I believe seeing such things can distort and wreck havoc on young minds.  A child seeing porno, whether on TV or YouTube can really screw up their mind.  It not only takes away their innocence but can put sex in a bad light, which is shouldn’t be.  But porno is trashy and slutty sex, which in turn can tell others it’s ok to be that way.  Yuck indeed.

That being said, I only believed the saying “your ears and eyes are the windows of your soul” to an extent as I stated above.  Let me tell you why.

I do not believe that violent video games or movies will give someone the idea or the want to go on a shooting rampage and kill people.  I certainly have never seen my husband grab a gun or rocket launcher after playing Gears of War, Call of Duty or God of War.  Nor do I believe that these forms of entertainment will promote stealing cars, dealing drugs, having lots of sex, etc.  Just as I don’t believe music has that affect either.  I believe sheltering isn’t always a good thing.  Using myself as an example.  My parents were extremely strict with the music I could and could not listen to when I was in high school.  Did that stop me from listening to the music they thought was bad?  Nope.  I just became sneaky about it.  I had a job and therefore bought my own music.  I found hiding places for that unapproved music and listened to it when my parents weren’t home or while driving in my car.  If I was into video games, I am sure I would have found a way to play those behind their backs as well.

Now as an adult… I listen to the same type of music.  Cuss words and all.  I have yet to shoot anyone, have multiple sex partners, steal a car, deal drugs or anything else of that nature.  And I highly doubt I will.  I have yet to meet anyone that has done those things either and if they have, it certainly wasn’t because Snoop Dogg looked at them and said, “fo shizzle my nizzle” smoking a blunt is the “Shnizit”, or Dr. Dre announcing shooting people is “the thing to do”.  People choose to do this.  That’s what I believe.  You always have a choice… will it be the right one?

Since I am an avid reader I have been noticing a lot of talk about people taking love stories in novels literal.  Basically the people writing these articles are blaming novel writers for making up stories about love and relationships.  The articles are stating that people are taking these stories literally.  Giving our youth a distorted view of what true love is supposed to be.  Basically saying a love triangle would never happen, love at first sight is a crock, and some going so far as saying that non fiction love stories are porn for women because it’s putting an unrealistic fantasy or standard in your mind.  And the entire time I am reading these articles I can’t help but roll my eyes or laugh – or both.  How ridiculous!  I believe some do hold standards of things they read to higher level than what is considered normal, but to actually believe that your life should be or has to be how the books you read are?  Give me a damn break.  Blaming authors for using their imagination is what we’re doing now?  I mean, bottom line, that’s what is happening.  Are people seriously that demented to think that their life has to be exactly like a book?  Or even close to a book they’ve read?  I’ve seen Stephanie Meyer blamed for such things a lot lately.  I’m so sure that Stephenie Meyer planned and plotted to twist all woman’s minds and make them think this is how love should be.  NOT!  And I also still don’t think that using Twilight as an example all the time for everything is right either.  THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE for peats sake!  I mean come on!  These books are harmless.  It’s those writing these articles that really are the ones doing the harm in my opinion.  I mean how many different ways could you possibly read into something?  I have read 147 books this year so far, and I know that vampires {especially sparkly ones}, werewolves, fairies, ogres, unicorns and every other mythical creature doesn’t exist.  But, I do believe in love at first sight, and I do believe in love triangles.  Come ON!


What say you?


  1. Here’s what I wrote about Twilight, but I don’t think you’ll like it. :)

    I’m not too worried about people with a healthy mental state going off the deep end because of these books or most others, but I do think they are one tiiiiny piece of the way our culture treats romantic relationships. They’re a tiny sliver of a pie that I think is pretty rancid.

    My main issue with the way relationships are portrayed in media in our culture is that for the most part you don’t see people working through problems. Love only seems to happen when it’s perfect love, with perfect partners, and when problems arise, it’s because obviously they made the wrong choice in partners, so they OF COURSE should divorce.

    The reality is that everyone going into any relationship is super duper flawed, and problems will arise in any marriage, over and over, that must be worked through. Sure there are some extreme situations that can’t be ignored (like abuse, addiction), but I think people throw in the towel way too early . . . and I think some of that comes from the conditioning – a LIFETIME of conditioning – they’ve received from the media.

    Sure, we have our parents’ examples, and they’re the ones who should be teaching us. But if they don’t teach us, or if what they teach us is completely messed up, we’re going to look somewhere else for advice. And the thing with media is that we don’t even have to go looking for it, for it to influence us.

    Stimuli influences us whether we want to admit it or not, and we’re usually unaware of how it influences us. Take your example of gangsta rap. #1 consumer of this sort of music are White people in their teens & 20s (and on a side note, the execs who select this sort of music over more positive stuff, fund it and promote it? White). Does that mean we see the sort of violence and lifestyle of that music in White teens & young adults? No. But are those White teens & adults influenced to see Black people in a certain negative light after listening to so much gangsta rap? They sure are, especially if they have little contact with actual Black people.

    So I do believe that stuff like books, movies, music, video games, etc. influences us. Just maybe not in the obvious way some people complain about. And it’s the job of parents and other caring individuals to make sure that the crap we ALL consume isn’t what our kids lean on when it’s time to make life decisions.

  2. Like some said the other day when discussing the Twilight books/movies “I’d rather my kid read that than stare at the TV all day”. I admit I’m not a Twilight fan however I love young adult literature. Does some of it make me cringe? Absolutely! However, I do believe they portray life for kids that age in some pretty accurate ways. I just think overall that the way YA authors write says a lot about society in general. Especially about what it could be like if we’re not careful. With books you can interpret it in so many ways which isn’t necessarily true when you see it.

    This summer I read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and my BIL’s mother was FREAKING out that I was reading it! She had read it and thought it was absolutely disgusting. I could look past all of that to the real heart of the book. Do I want to see it in movie form? I don’t know. Mostly because of some of the casting. I can read it without having to picture what I don’t want to picture. I can’t do that when the picture is in front of my face.

    I don’t have kids yet and I’ve read some books that I’m not sure I’d want my kids to read. However, I don’t want to stop them from reading. If it opens up discussion, I’m all for it. So I really hope to install that love of reading in my kids. Because honestly, I think it would be fun to discuss books with them!

  3. I will agree that sheltering your children is not always a good thing. Once they get on their own they will go wild just to try the things that were a no-no at home. But as far as music and books go, I feel it is not something I want to put in my head with all the cussing and sex talk. Yea it won’t make me cheat on my husband, but I notice that the more I expose myself to that the easier it is to slip and start cussing when things go wrong and to me, that is not appropriate. My relationship with Christ means that I try to separate myself from things that, to my way of thinking, try to change or come between that relationship. I don’t need to watch people get killed, raped or beat up as entertainment, so there are very few shows on TV or movies that I choose to watch. But that is my choice, and ulitmately it is a choice. You do have to weigh the options and maybe even pray some and find what works best for you. My kids are sheltered, no doubt, but they really don’t miss some of the things they don’t get. My 19 y/o still chooses to be sheltered even as he is stepping out to college and my 16 y/o is happy to be kept away from some of the excesses of high school and friends who are making bad choices. It is a choice, plain and simple. As long as there are consequences for actions, punishment when necessary (punishment-not beating) and morals and right and wrong taught, kids are able as they get older to see through the stuff and not blow people up, steal cars or anything they have wittnessed from games, movies or music.

  4. I’m thinking I’m missing out on the whole Twilight thing. I haven’t read the books or seen the movies. My sister says I should watch the movies for the eye candy alone!

    I was raised in an Agnostic Athiesm household so when it came to morality they couldn’t talk about a specific person or religion when teaching me the “right” things to do. My moral upbringing is so similar to most of America that I know it often surprises people to hear that I was raised by Agnostics. My parents weren’t strict but they definitely instilled good values in their children. I had a lot of freedom which I used to it’s fullest potential. I have regrets, but it’s made me a better mom. I am more strict than my parents were, but by most standards I’m pretty easy going.

    I wonder how I will deal with the books my children decide to read. Right now it’s pretty cool to have emerging readers. They are 2nd and 3rd graders and obviously anything goes at this stage. I was never told what I could and could not read. I remember being obsessed with those awful Flowers in the Attic books. They had incest and abuse. Yikes! I guess I’d prefer my kids not to read that stuff, but I must say that because I could read whatever I wanted, I read a lot! I definitely read more books than any of my peers growing up. I craved books. I also never had to hide anything I was reading. My parents believed that if I was choosing to read over any other activity then it was just fine with them.

    I love your insightful blog posts lately and I would encourage you to start a book blog, or at least a book series in your current blog. I don’t follow any book blogs, but the drama you are hinting to makes me want to start Googling!

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